Finding Normal

At 25 I am finding myself to become more and more normal. Last night I had a dream that I was watching an episode of Modern Family and showing the show to a friend. That was my dream. That was my dream! To be fair, I did just get dish installed. They had a good deal going and the woman I talked to online could have sold me a cruise ship. She was that good. So I signed up. Why lie to myself, I love watching sports. It sort of bothers me that I have to pay $30 a month in order to have ESPN and ensure that the channels that already come over air just come in clear. But only sort of.

One time, shortly after I had graduated high school (I was either 18 or 19) I remember sitting next to a girl on the couch in her house. Her and I were in the same group of friends, all being Christians, all being radicals.

At that point in my life I had basically vowed to never be normal. I would live off some sort of poor salary, have homeless people sleep in my house, live in community, and probably spend 50 percent of my life overseas working with the abject poor and suffering.

I would never have the white picket fence, 9-5 job, collared shirt and comforts of suburban life. God had not called me to that and I never wanted it.

Back to the story. At one point in the night she turned to me and wondered if we were just young and foolish and someday we would realize that life was just about having kids, taking care of them, and getting through the daily grind. I can’t remember if I only thought this or said this but I was so sure she was wrong and went through all the details of why that was the case. That was before I really had any sort of filter so I am going to go with, “I let her know and then some.”

Years passed, I finished college, got a 9-5 job, got rid of the mohawk, learned how to wear nicer shoes, bought a house, and started attending a church where homeless people weren’t everywhere. Call it growing up? Selling out? Realizing what life is about? Forgetting what it is about? I think that 19 year old Colter had some things right. He definitely didn’t know how to present those ideas and pretty much always had the volume knob at 10 and turned the abrasiveness knob up to 11 because it felt good.

I don’t think I would mind if there was a white picket fence outside my house. Actually, I think it would look nice, it just wouldn’t really match the rest of my house, the main reason that I don’t have one. I work on my yard most days. I would create a ratio for amount of time I spend trying to further my career and taking care of the house to taking care of homeless people, but if we are using the criteria as the last 18 months then there really isn’t a ratio where the second number is 0. That’s the moment where computers get confused and say, “we can’t compute this, this isn’t math.” That’s how computers talk.

I am just starting my masters degree and now seeing what it looks like to have a career. Is 25 late for that? I think for my generation it’s probably about on par. I’m excited. When I mow my lawn I look at the big tree in my yard and think, “I hope that I get to build a treehouse with my kids here someday.” I romance about sipping coffee with my wife on the porch on the early hours of a Saturday morning.

I’m trying to learn what it looks like to have a heart after God and follow him radically. I’m locked into this house right now and have got a few years left of school so I hope those things fit in. I’ve started meeting with a man for breakfast who is literally three times my age. He’s been successful, loves the Lord, and I like him a lot. He’s sort of how I see myself in 50 years. If I have that much joy and energy for life at 75 then it will be a victory. Hell, if I had that much now I would be jazzed.

I don’t know where I’m going to land. I do know that I’m not trying to grow dreadlocks anymore (I gave that up when I found out how long it took). I suppose I should just continue to try and chase after Jesus. It can look a lot of different ways but I’m sure it will be exciting.