It's (always) Time To Develop

I have always found the ideas of development to be very interesting. A man named Erik Erikson was one of the leading developmental stage theorists years ago. He changed his last name to Erikson to spite his father, positing that he was his own son; Erik’s Son. Erikson. Tad narcissistic if you ask me, but hey, takes one to know one.

Erikson talked about how throughout our lives we are all faced with developmental crises. At any given stage of life, one is trying to answer some sort of existential question about themselves. From the ages of 12-20 the question one attempts to answer is, “Who am I?” From 20-40 one asks if they are somebody who can love. From 40-65 we ask how we can build into the next generation. The stages aren't perfect, but if you look around you can see them taking place in people you know all around you. Whatever age group you are in, you are probably trying to answer one of the above three questions right now. He had five other stages, but you probably need to get back to work in a minute, so let’s get moving.

During another one of my necessary and uninterrupted rants a few weeks ago, my dad asked me why I kept calling them developmental crises. I should have told him to just listen or I would change my name to Colter Colterson, but I decided to entertain the question. I thought for a minute before I remembered something my professor had told us. Crisis = when the demands of the situation outweigh the resources that we have available.

We are constantly facing developmental crises. Children face them almost daily. A given situation might demand that they walk, yet they don’t have the resources to do so. They might want a cookie that is on the coffee table and for some reason, mom and dad aren’t helping them this time. When you walk to go grab something from the cupboard, you don’t see if as developmental because you already have the resources to walk. An infant does not. They have to develop the resources. In terms of science and matter, they say that something cannot come from nothing, but here it does. Walking comes from not being able to walk. Well, perhaps it comes from the potential to walk, but something large still comes out of something small.

You are facing a developmental crisis right now. Either that or you are in between them. The reason that we become stagnant is because we don’t want to face what we have to face. But somewhere in your life there is a situation that is calling you to be different. You've got to change in order to cope, to thrive, to grow, to love…

Some situation is demanding something from you that you do not have the resources to succeed in. Sure, the word “demand” might be strong. Technically, it is never demanded that we walk. Some people get along fine without walking, perhaps because of an accident. So you could say “no” to walking. If an infant were able to think at this level they might say, “I don’t know how to walk, therefore I can’t, and I won’t. I will never walk.” But walking is good! You’ll fall at the beginning, but there’s people around to support you if you don’t do it alone.

What situation in your life is requiring you to exercise resources you don’t have? Right now you may not know how to do what life is calling out of you. But one thing you do know how to do is develop resources that you didn’t previously have.

Now, I want to write about counseling.

I’m looking at establishing some more direction here. When people stop me on the street to ask if I am the one who writes that informative and hilarious blog, I often stop to respond. I always enjoy entertaining a fan. One question I’ve never really known how to answer is what the blog is about. I sort of just write whatever I am feeling. Sometimes I try to be funny, sometimes I try to be sentimental. My friend Nate writes on fitness because he is a personal trainer. I decided that I am in sort of a unique position by being in school for counseling. I have learned a lot over just the past six months that I personally believe others would find interesting too. So, I’m going to give that a shot.

Top 10 Things To Disappoint Me In 2013

For a few years now I have written a list of the top ten things to disappoint me in the previous year. I stole the idea from my friend, Ryan Harrington. His writing completely surpasses mine and I suppose his ideas do too, since it was his idea. Never-the-less, I have created my list for 2013. I realize that I am eight days late on this. I apologize to my eight readers.

10. The Bachelorette - I was at a friend’s house earlier this year. His wife was watching the bachelorette. I peered over at the TV to see what craziness was taking place on the screen. Amidst my comments of disgust I noticed that I have moved to standing by the couch. As she began to make out with yet another man on the show after a date with a different gentleman, I had moved towards sitting on the arm of the sofa. It must have been only five minutes before I had learned her name and the name of most of the other guys and was full on lounging on the couch at this point, completely engulfed in the show. The show had won. The ridiculousness had pulled me in. I went to their house the next Monday for dinner again...and to watch the bachelorette. Maybe I should change this one to “myself.”

9. Google + - College humor recently released a video joking how google is going to blackmail you into joining google plus by sharing everything you’ve searched on incognito mode and all of the embarrassing emails you’ve written over the years. I think if more people don’t start using it soon, this may become a reality.

8. Understanding That Studying Hard Yields Better Grades - When I say that I am a poor test taker, I think what I mean is that I don’t like studying so I don’t do it and play sports instead. After working very hard on a 25 page pager, 20 page paper, and theories final, I procured a 96%, 91%, and 92% respectively. No longer can I say that I don’t know how to get good grades, I now have a responsibility to act or continue on not caring. My comfort in the latter is rapidly increasing.

7. American Beer - Ignorance is bliss, a popular theme in my disappointment lists. That sort of rhymed. When I was in the UK this year, I learned about cask ales. After ordering my first one of the trip, I did not order a beer for the remainder of the trip that was not a cask ale. Unfortunately, they are not nearly as popular in the states. I have only been able to find two breweries in Denver who offer them. In some ways, I wish I had never learned about them.

6. Going So Long Without Learning About Lulullemon - Last Christmas my mom gave me some clothes from lululemon. I opened up the box and found what seems like some regular athletic clothes. She then told me that they were from lululemon. I had never heard of this store and it sounded quite feminine. I became skeptical of the gifts as to preserve my already very masculine image. She told me that her trainer wears them (he is a badass and in the special forces HOF) and that they are very comfortable. Indeed she was correct, they are the most comfortable clothes I have ever worn. Also, being that very few dudes shop there, the logo often draws attention from females that I encounter in my daily life. “OMG, are you wearing lululemon? That’s awesome!” Masculinity preserved.

5. The Number of Nice People at Seminary - Most of my life I have fit in the angsty one at the church. This semester, I have come across so many nice and open minded people that I have little to be angry about. My angst is met with phrases such as “I can see where you are coming from,” and “I admire your passion.” Now I’m just left in the crowd trying to be nice too. Problem is, I don’t know how to do it.

4. Learning about Lululemon - There is no way that I can afford to shop there. Instead, I browse eBay hoping that some rich person tried the clothes on, didn’t like them and decided to sell them on eBay for a fraction of the cost. Given that rich people usually don’t waste time trying to regain $20 on eBay, this has yet to become a reality.

3. Our Take on Miley Cyrus - This one is actually kind of serious. Here is a young woman who is literally falling apart before our very eyes. The only person who has really stepped up and tried to help her is Sinead O’Connor. Instead, we will watch her plummet to her inevitable stint in rehab and scoff at what a mess she is. Maybe if we weren’t so engulfed in the train wreck that is taking place in front of us, producers wouldn’t keep having her whore herself out on national television.  

2. The Phoenix Suns - This was the year. After seasons of being stuck in sheer mediocrity the suns had finally started to build in the right direction. They had gotten rid of their better players, anybody with experience, and loaded up on guys who had hardly cracked any rotation in the NBA. Vegas had us pegged at 19-63, wow! We were going to be awful and were going to get a top 5 pick in the draft next year, hopefully number 1, landing us a future super star. Instead, the suns go off and start off at 17 and 10. I went to the game the other day and they beat the lakers by 27, they looked incredible. Goodbye Andrew Wiggins.

OMG! I can't believe anybody
listened to my album!

1. IOS 7 - God, if this wasn’t an easy one. This is the most runaway winner since Taylor Swift’s “I can’t believe people like me look” won in 2011. I was perfectly happy with my iPhone 4. Now the phone runs like an overweight man who is one KFC bucket away from disrupting the earth’s rotational axis.

Ok, thanks,